Between giving in and giving up

The awkward moment when a boyfriend prospect meets with an arrogant ex...Unspoken words were exchanged as verbal ones were shot at each other.  The lady with the sparkler banged her fist on the table and stormed out as Nigel finally retreated, but with a warning “I would be back”. Suddenly I felt sick, the tears and gibberish kept flowing with ease. Now seated he took a close look at me as I struggled to regain my composure he urged me to take my time saying “I have seen your best and worst moments, please let it flow” after emptying my reservoir tank of tears, I asked him to take me home. Goodbyes were said; he hesitated briefly and said “I don’t give up without a fight”. I settled into bed still wearing my LBD and called Lameh, after the long phone conversation I came to a realization. I wasn’t in love with Nigel, I was just afraid of him, like a servant I was his loyal maid. So many attitudes that I couldn’t manage and I still felt he still has no regard for women. He showed that in the way he related to his fiancé. And as for me been a cougar, I doubt that would happen. He his strong willed and the arrogance was a turn off. Fine, he apologized, ate his humble pie but that would be for how long? I was still going to be his pun. My company works for him. His eerie love for digging up about one’s life is not what I appreciate. The power he has seems to overrule him many a time. Much as the disappointment that I have had, I have not given up on finding love. For now I am just happier to be back to me. I don’t have to force love and give up myself or give up on me to find love….I definitely enjoyed the whole adventure but it has come to a halt.