(A Darn Good Year..Episode 5)

The next morning came quickly and Sam found herself humming softly to a song she always used to sing to Jason as a boy, while Segun glared at her but she chose to ignore it. Later Segun said “and why do you have to hunt me with your song, we lost a child”. She smiled and said “I know, but my life goes on after a loss and I deserve to be happy. Everyday with you has become unbearable, you have rightfully blamed me for his suicide and I have accepted it, what more do you want of me……..death”.  Segun did a double take as she stormed out of the room to the bathroom. Sam had never raised her voice to him before and this was coming as a surprise. When Sam came out of the bath Segun had left for work with a note on the table that read “ you owe me an apology”, she simply tore it and left it back on the table. She dressed eagerly, picked up the rumpled newspaper and convinced herself that she had to give it to him, after all its his property. Feeling like a child again she looked at the mirror one last time smiled, chinned up and drove to the lounge in search of the unknown. At 1pm the lounge was already in the mood for business, chattering, eating, gawking…..the world is really pretty she thought, and pinched herself for all the loneliness she had being enduring. She booked table 49 quickly and even paid double the amount to reserve it and started the waiting game. Turning and tossing at every baritone voice she heard and even made imaginary phone calls to keep herself busy.. The hospital {2:45pm}Kojo parked his power bike at the only available parking space removed his helmet and looked so helpless. He had spent his early morning drinking and reflecting on his life and contemplating on the best way to end his life……a suicide note and a free ride on his favorite bike to hell, a dip in the lagoon or death from use of steroids. None of it appealed to him because he just did not have the heart for it. He had been running all his life, he ran from his step-mother, he ran from women into exploitation, life on the fast lane can always end suddenly like a game of card, now he his about to face a result due to the life he had chosen for himself and felt like running away again, but he really needs to know. Fiddling with his hands he walked up the balcony and went straight for the kill. As he passed the waiting section, he coughed repeatedly and a nurse turned sharply and apologized for the oral vaccine that smells when administered and causes irritation in some people. He smiled shakily at the consolation but was almost sure it was part of his initiation process to the dreaded community of people living with A.I.D.S. He went to the rest room and tried to freshen up, but kept seeing a caricature of himself and almost jumped out of the restroom. He tried to remain calm and cool his nerves but it wasn’t working, sweat broke out of his face and walked quickly to vend a cold drink, gulped it down and jumped when a door opened and he was standing face to face with his doctor. Clearly confused, Dr Fred checked his file and said “you are not the patient I’m scheduled to meet” Kojo visibly shocked said “I don’t know how I got here, I’m scared”. Dr Fred went to his desk and called that his scheduled patient be assigned to another doctor as he would like to have his break now. Bending, breaking and recreating new rules had always being easy for Kojo as he always had the charm, charisma, smoothness or a times forcefulness to make things work for him, but now…….. “So which do you think is worse Kojo, cancer or A.I.D.S” brought back to reality Kojo could not find a suitable reply, took a deep breathe and answered “I just want to know the truth” Dr Fred began, “Kojo I have not only been your personal doctor but a good friend too. I know the dangers of doing what you do as you are very susceptible to A.I.D.S. I really don’t have the right to judge your decision to do whatever you want with your life or preference in sexual partners and yes I know I am blabbing right now but please try and quit your habit. I got your results this morning and I am praying and have never for once stopped praying for you……what about your love for photography…and” BAM!, came a thunderous bang on his table, Kojo’s face turning red demanded as gentle as he could be “ please, let me know my fate” “okay , I am sorry for putting you through this but I will need to prescribe some drugs as your panic attack seems to be returning otherwise you are as fit as a fiddle from the results of the test and let me inform you that we used four different laboratories for precision”

A Darn Good Year..(Episode 4)

Feeling bored, Sam picked her phone and called her friend Shelly. She was caught in the busy Lagos traffic and she cancelled their appointment for another time as they both agreed they were getting old and tired. She smiled and stood up to leave when the rumpled newspaper caught her attention as she picked it up and convinced herself that it was of importance to Kojo or maybe she just wanted to see him again. What she felt for him was strange, she could not place it. He struck her as someone who was confident and had lot of control but a phone call changed everything as he turned feeble and looked lost. Suddenly it hit her that he reminded her of her dead son. She blinked her eyes as she tried hard to fight the tears now streaming down her face and left the lounge to go home.

Kojo drove straight to the hospital and asked for his personal physician. He spoke to him in private, fear written all over his face as he explained himself. He was scheduled for a test immediately and was asked to come the next day for the result.                                                                                         Back in the house Kojo paced up and down trying to calm him he reached for a bottle of brandy and took a gulp. The sting piercing down to his spine he fought hard to sit on a couch and wondered how he got himself into this mess.  It started when his mother died and his largehearted father took another wife whom had children from previous marriage. From age twelve  he had been abused sexually by his step mother and he could not talk for fear. This secret pain he lived with till he had the courage to flee from Ghana to Nigeria in search of a better life.  In Nigeria he got noticed as a handsome young man and was used as male escort for society women. He turned down offers of romance from them as he had come to hate women. While struggling to establish himself as a professional photographer he needed funds and he was approached by a guy named Donald. Donald later turned out to be his close friend and introduced him to a thriving business so long as one can keep his mouth shut ………homosexuality. Growing desperate with need he decided to give it a try after all he had lost all interest in feminine folks as they all strike him as vultures. He was to be introduced to another client today by Donald his supposed pimp when he called to inform him that senator Williams one of his former clients was found dead in his bathroom. He wrote a suicide note telling the world he had lived secretly being a gay man and found out from the doctors he had A.I.D.S, he decided to put an end to his miserable life. His political career was having a downturn as he had been called back from his constituency, following allegations of his homosexuality that was becoming so evident.                                                                

Kojo took another swig and smiled shakily at himself. He was at a risk of having the disease himself, he had vowed at the beginning of this year to be celibate but could not turn down the greens.  Suddenly,he felt a touch on his hand and remembered Sam. Her touch was heavenly, smile was contagious and her pain was evident. His pulse quickened as he remembered the horoscope section again and looked around for the paper. “I must have forgotten it” he said and smiled as he relished the thought of seeing or talking to Sam again. Maybe God was finally answering his prayers.

A Darn Good Year ...(Episode 3)

The lounge {1:30pm}

Kojo, a  good looking man in his mid thirties strolled casually to the news stand and picked his favorite newspaper. He scanned through the headlines and later flipped the pages to the horoscope section which always made him smile because the predictions had always been wrong but time and again, yet he kept reading them. He scrolled to Virgo and it read “romance in the air, for your companion awaits you” he laughed out loud this time not minding the strange stares of onlookers.

At this time the lounge would be filled to capacity as most people have lunch meetings in the place due to the locations of eat-out eateries that surround it. He glanced at his wristwatch again and smiled as he thought bad business does pay. He is often ashamed to say what he does to make a living and he has never told anyone. Sooner or later he would have to return to his native country Ghana and has been thinking about how to leave this shameful job of his but he has become addicted to it and doesn’t know how to even tell them at home. Though he had plans on opening a studio and going back to professional photography but he lacked the will to start again. There is so much pressure from home for him to get married and raise kids as a man should.

He snapped back to reality and frowned suddenly as he saw a vacant table with a lady with such a lovely smile………He forgot what he was thinking and smiled back at her walking hastily towards her like she was a ghost. Sam dropped the phone and frowned “what do you want young man”, Kojo fidgeted and said “you, have a breathtaking smile Ma’am, may I join you. This is the only free …….”

“because I reserved it. But you may seat till my friend comes around” Sam snapped.

Kojo nodded and took a seat on the table for four and tried not to notice the lady but he could not help it. She was beautiful, dark and astonishing, though something seemed missing, but he couldn’t figure it out. It was like she had a secret pain that was killing her. Maybe it’s a terminal disease he mused silently and then he heard a knock on the table and met Sam’s angry face, “you have been staring”

“Oh, I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself……”

Kojo’s eyes drifted lazily from her and came to rest on the newspaper he had bought that afternoon. He flicked it and his gaze dropped to the horoscope section again and this time he frowned…

"She can’t be the one besides I’m sure I am no longer inclined to the females. She is charming and very captivating but she is older than me and I’m sure she must be in her late forties if not fifty years already" he murmured. And his frown deepened. 

Sam knocked the table again and was about asking what was wrong with him when his phone rang. Relieved, Kojo quickly picked it not willing to disclose what he had been thinking. He must have been a fool to think that a prediction that had never worked for him would suddenly start working.

“Good morning don” and there was a long silence as he listened carefully to the caller. His hand now crushing the newspaper he held , Sam’s hand reached impulsively for his and he dropped the phone. Sam was not sure if he did that because she reached for him or from the news he heard from the phone. He looked lost and scared at the same time. Sam knocked on the table again and he looked startled, she smiled as she said “your phone fell off”.

 He mumbled a quick thank you and picked it. “I’m sorry ma’am but I have to leave right now”, Sam felt confused and could only ask “I’m Samantha, what is your name”

“Kojo”, came the reply

“Be careful” she called out after him. He heard that and nodded as he walked out of the lounge leaving behind his newspaper.

A Darn Good Year ..Episode 2

Immediately she reached down to the tub and dragged her friend out of the pool to the floor, the smell of liquor dominant as all the content had been emptied. She clasped her hand together, closed her eyes for a short moment and began to revive her. Sam awoke from unconsciousness and sneezed continuously as she looked to see her best friend and gave a lame smile.

Now sitting in her bedroom in dry clothes, holding a mug of tea in her shaky palms, Shelly asked “ what has gotten into you”, she gave another lame smile and replied “ I was just trying to have my bath and look better than last year for my dear friend”. Shelly studied her closely, she looked so frail and fragile, the huge circles under her eyes now evident, she flinched suddenly and Shelly asked “the nightmares again” “Yes and I can’t help it, I killed him Shelly, I fed him with silly ideas on true love and Laura since her divorce from that gold digger hardly comes home. I’m left with a husband whose spirit left since Jason died. I and Segun are like strangers in this house and we hardly exchange monosyllables now as he either gives a nod or just ignore me. I feel like a living corpse” now crying she mumbled “It would have been better if I were dead but I lack the courage to kill myself”

“Let it out dear” and Shelly hugged her friend closely,

“It’s not your fault, I should have been here to help, Jason killed himself and that was a cowardly act…..You found true love and married your first love. There is nothing wrong in sharing your experience with your children, Laura refused to see beyond her nose and stubbornly married Thomas. If you asked me she got what she deserved and I hope she is learning from her mistakes now. As for Segun, I hate to say this but he has disappointed me. Ignoring you and treating you like a piece of furniture is not the way to go. You have not failed as a wife and a mother”

Shelly, left some minutes later to attend to an urgent matter but fixed a lunch date with Sam, convincing her that she has to go out and see the beauty of life instead of being enclosed like an Egyptian mummy.

Later in the day, Segun sent a text to her phone saying he won’t be spending the night at home as he has a deal to seal.  Segun had brought another strategy into their cold war that is “see no evil, hear no evil”, he was a senior executive and had every right to be excluded from the so called overnight deal, but he chose the office above her again. Sam gave a sight and was about crying as she hushed herself and shook her head saying “I won’t cry for you, never will I” and she dozed off.

A darn good year ....Episode 1

LAGOS (AJAH) 2:35pm

 Mrs. Toba Lawson.

The home of the Lawson’s was unarguably one of the best on 21road of Sun view estate, classy but not flamboyant with well mowed grass to the flowers that welcomed one into the house one cannot help but feel intimidated by the presence of the house. Nothing in the world is perfect they say but this was near perfection.

In the bar sat a 49yr old lady, with dark circles under her eyes, rough hair and generally looked unkempt. This is the woman of the house, Mrs. Sam Toba-Lawson. 

Samantha poured herself another glass of scotch iced it and marched to the living room in careless abandon as she struggled to pull her robe closer to her chest. She sank into a nearby sofa looked lazily at the grandfathers clock across her and suddenly remembered that Shelly her best friend who went on sabbatical to lecture in Australia just breezed into the country. Shelly promised to check on her today by 3pm. Instinctively she stood up and dragged herself to the bathroom ran water in the tub, still holding the bottle of scotch in her hand. She steadied herself as she sat by the edge of tub and smelled her breathe. Awful. Speaking sluggishly she said “will have to clean my mess, Shelly must not find me in this sorry state” and she slipped into oblivion.

LAGOS (AJAH) 3:10pm

Shelly walked into the familiar building with a smile on her face, gaining entrance now into the high and mighty Toba –Lawson was like the proverbial camel going through the eye of a needle. The security men were expectedly strict and firm, thank God for the instruction Sam had given earlier in the day to her entrance once she had identified herself and satisfied their probing questions.

The last Three hundred and sixty five days, though short but a lot had happened. Her best friend Sam had become more secretive than ever and hardly talked much or replied the phone calls and emails they exchanged while she was in the land of the kiwis ever since……. “Jeez, I’m meant to make her happy, not to bring back those sad memories” she said aloud and quickly cautioned herself as she walked into the living room.

 A glass cup was carelessly dropped on the couch and she could perceive a faint smell of liquor, she picked the glass and smelt it, it was still fresh. “Since when did Sam start drinking, or is someone else in this house” she said clearly irritated. Sam, Sam, Samantha….” She called out with no answer she started walking through the rooms in the building when a strange thought crossed her mind “loneliness means suicidal” she froze and all of a sudden she doubled her pace and started searching frantically for her. She entered another room and could hear the sound of running water, straight to the bathroom and she found her friend unconscious, drowning in her bath tub.

Between giving in and giving up

The awkward moment when a boyfriend prospect meets with an arrogant ex...Unspoken words were exchanged as verbal ones were shot at each other.  The lady with the sparkler banged her fist on the table and stormed out as Nigel finally retreated, but with a warning “I would be back”. Suddenly I felt sick, the tears and gibberish kept flowing with ease. Now seated he took a close look at me as I struggled to regain my composure he urged me to take my time saying “I have seen your best and worst moments, please let it flow” after emptying my reservoir tank of tears, I asked him to take me home. Goodbyes were said; he hesitated briefly and said “I don’t give up without a fight”. I settled into bed still wearing my LBD and called Lameh, after the long phone conversation I came to a realization. I wasn’t in love with Nigel, I was just afraid of him, like a servant I was his loyal maid. So many attitudes that I couldn’t manage and I still felt he still has no regard for women. He showed that in the way he related to his fiancé. And as for me been a cougar, I doubt that would happen. He his strong willed and the arrogance was a turn off. Fine, he apologized, ate his humble pie but that would be for how long? I was still going to be his pun. My company works for him. His eerie love for digging up about one’s life is not what I appreciate. The power he has seems to overrule him many a time. Much as the disappointment that I have had, I have not given up on finding love. For now I am just happier to be back to me. I don’t have to force love and give up myself or give up on me to find love….I definitely enjoyed the whole adventure but it has come to a halt.

Nostalgia

"Then go on a date, since eight years is a big deal to you. Tell him off calmly over dinner" Lameh has an aggressive way of making one see reasons with her. She is always right most of the times but I just wanted her to speak calmly to me. Before I could respond to her words...it was a loud noise I heard. She banged the door after her and was out of my apartment already. Spontaneous.

I shook my head. Its not ego that is stopping me from going on a harmless date with the lad. In fact I have always walked on the wild side of life. I picked my phone and replied yes to the message. I can rid myself a bit of boredom and tension. I walked to my wardrobe and let out a heavy sigh, what will I wear. I thought of playing it safe and then decided to choose my LBD(little black dress) they say a girl can never go wrong in it.

Exactly 7:30pm, my bell rang and a chauffeur stepped out, eager to usher me into the vehicle. I tried out a smile but felt silly. In my twenties, going out on dates was fun, but I just keep feeling I'm too old for all these fantasies. I stepped out of the car and two men were waiting to usher me in. I smiled now and it was real. They escorted me to  a quiet corner, a table for two. The ambiance was out of this world. Suddenly I wanted to look better, thank God I had my makeup bag . I rushed to the ladies and touched up my makeup. On my way trying to negotiate the smoking section from the non smoking section I bumped into a man. I hurriedly said sorry but was pulled back. With mouth ajar, it was Nigel. "Thought I would never see you again" and I felt like a  heavy weight was placed on my head. He had always being the calm type, he never crumbles under pressure, a smooth operator. Six years gone and I still feel like a child under his grasp. "which way to your table" my knees were shaking and I blamed myself for the little number I was wearing as I could hear my heart beat by itself. I felt a cold stare following us, turned back briefly, I couldn't make the face out.

I dated Nigel while in Post grad school, but it was a volatile relationship. We loved each other too much,while I was impatient he was insensitive. It was difficult, I was quick to assume and he took ages before making up his mind hence appearing confused and bereft of ideas to me.  We quarreled, made up, broke up, got back together and we both felt the best was to be apart. Immediately after school, I changed my numbers, severed contacts with some friends,traveled back to Nigeria and I had thought it was over.

Now seated, I strained my eyes and met with a steely look from a lady. I could see a sparkler on her left hand.

"You look beautiful"  Now seated he held my left hand, entranced my eyes with his and the tears just kept rolling down . "I remember when I was driving and told you we were missing, you got so scared and started crying. I told you to stay in the car while I go and search for help. Then I later came back to get u..

"and you led me to where you wrote you love me wit petals on the road. But I also remember the many times, I would come over to visit and you were sleeping, you even slept in between our conversations. I would call your line and it was always going into voice mail, would call and then you would say busy, tired...."

"but we loved each other...."

"but we caused each other lots of pains, you never understood. You were non nonchalant. Who is she, she has been looking in our way all through"

" Forget about her Cece. An engagement ring does not translate to marriage. Cece, we still love each other. We can work around our complexities, run with me.."

 "We broke up thrice, I came here on a date, a lot has happened and.."

"and it is time you left". I froze on my seat. He was in company of his body guards. Looking squarely at Nigel he said " You lost her thrice, I wont lose her if given half a chance"

Love me, Love my dog

Heaven knows I was in trouble, it poured and did not cease. Goosebumps was all over my body and I tried hugging myself to rest alittle before my alarm rings. I found it hard to sleep, kept pacing up and down hugging myself and trying to imagine what the day would have for me. I even thought of imaginary questions that would be thrown at me. I was scared of the unknown.

When it was 7am, I called in sick for the day but was stunned when a call came through from the office saying I could take the week off. I felt tensed, what if its the company's mild way of easing me out of employment. I was tensed, this is the only thing that keeps me alive. My life is pretty boring and work is a form of socialisation and puts food on the table as well. Would they want to fire me because my emotions got the better of me? I shook my head as I imagined that little lad mock me with his last laugh telling me he holds the money hence has the ace.

Lameh called but I just knew its not time for me to chat about what is bothering me, I rather sort this out myself. By 2pm, I recieved a knock on my door. A delivery man with a bouquet of wild and orchid flowers smiling sheepishly at me. It felt like a scene from a movie, he asked for my name and I signed. The scent was lovely and in it I found a note that read "Teach me to woo you my lady. Love me,Love my dog"And I froze, he never gives up a fight.

Battle of Wills

Sorry fellas, I had not been available for a week now. Had to take time off alone to think. I would be resuming today and I am scared of what might happen. The below is the concluding story of my Greek gift.

I let out a sigh and was totally overwhelmed by what had just happened. I couldn't comprehend someone spending that much time studying me. I felt violated, he knew everything about me and walked out like it was a harmless discussion he had with me.

Now on his private jet he barely turned to look at me. I can’t even say he has interest in me, everything he said was so vague, and I can’t pin him down with his statement. I love being in control, that has always been my strong point but right now I feel like am losing the plot. My earlier decision was to hunt down this prey of mine, so what if he is a spoilt kid with lots of money.  Who cares if he is my boss and everyone coos and woo him at every opportunity they get. I made up my mind...I ain’t going to be a walk over; cougar mode activated.

We finally touched down at Calabar and I made it a point of reference not to look at him. I strolled out and made few calls, called an agent and booked a room at the resort we would be staying. Also chattered a cab that would drop me at the resort. I went for a drink; smiling to myself I touched up my makeup. And then a hefty man walked up to me, "we have been waiting...” "And tell your boss to run along, I would meet him there. Please quote me"

I smiled, trying to imagine the look on his face when he receives my newsworthy command to him. My bank account is going to suffer for this little adventure but it’s worth it.

I was now in a meeting with his Personal Assistant when he breezed in and asked the young lady to excuse us. I stiffened a bit and he just sat looking at me without saying a word. I was suddenly limp, losing control I barked out “for how long are you going to continue this charade kid, my company may sack me as a result of not getting this deal but I could care less. I am done. I have booked my flight to Lagos and I find your little hobby of checking up on people creepy” My heart was tumbling within me but I had to do what I had to do. 

I really hope my week would turn out well...

A Greek Gift 2 (Sequel to Cougar)

I was now seated, instinctively I used the seat belt, tried looking behind me and I could notice the aircraft was almost empty. I felt cold chills down my spine, what if this is a new plot kidnappers now use on their prey? I doubt I would be a good offer for them; people who will cry for me aren’t up to three and they don’t have a treasure chest stacked with different currencies.

I thought about making a quick phone call to Lameh but feared; not on how she would react at me jumping on a freebie but the theories she would draw up concerning my fate.

I relaxed in my seat and a young guy walked in. He had a strange aura around him; burly looking men walked up to him and asked if he needed anything. Then he took his seat next to mine. I looked at him and he barely acknowledged me.  I grimaced; “all these spoilt rich pikins”

We were finally cleared by the pilot to relax and enjoy the flight to Abuja. Immediately I clicked off my seat belt, I was met with a stare.

“You are not a very patient Lady Ma’am”

I blinked hard; this spoilt rich kid had the guts to chat me up “Boy, what exactly is your grouse, it is too early in the day to be money drunk”

With an unchanged expression he said “Cece, you close from work 5pm, your overtime is 8pm maximum. You head out to chill at La katchey and spend no more than 45minutes daily. You patronize them on a Sunday too. You are very single, a sworn feminist. You recently flunked your last presentation for a multibillion company and you are heading to Abuja for negotiations with that same company” then he paused.

I recoiled on my seat and felt nauseated suddenly, now his eyes had the steely look of a killer. I froze thinking there was a plot to kill me. I struggled to breath, and then he smiled.

“It is part of my policy to do background checks on anyone working for me” and my jaw dropped. “You intrigue me Cece. I am sorry my now ex-girlfriend pulled all that stunt on you, besides eight years is not much of a big deal is it”

Suddenly my brain went into rewind; all the dots now are connected. Little wonder all those security checks and cancellation of flights, the stares I felt. I tried saying another word but stuttered “Save your breath Cece, you need a lot of rest right now”

We finally touched down and I hurriedly stood up from my seat, not knowing how to address him he said “No need to rush, we are boarding a private jet to Obudu Cattle Ranch” I opened my mouth but again words couldn’t be formed “Abuja is low on traffic but the atmosphere is not serene enough. I am curious, how do you manage a seat in economy class” and he walked ahead of me.

A Greek Gift1 (Sequel to Cougar?)

Greek gift

“So, how is this booby trap turning out” and my mind was brought back to reality. I should have known better than tell Lameh about the anonymous phone calls to my line. Now she is busy playing ‘Madame Inspector’ asking for progress report almost every minute.

“I have a flight to catch and I am yet to figure out who this guy with the control freak girlfriend is”

This is the reason why myself and Lameh can never share a flat or live together, her urge for gist is insatiable like bokoharam’s urge for blood. But I do love my friend; she pushes me on, and keeps me sane if you know what I mean…

Entering into MMA2, I had a strange feeling I was being watched. It is kind of creepy.

 I tripped severally and I was stunned to realize I couldn’t check in despite purchasing e-ticket weeks before. The protocol officer simply told me due to some problems beyond their control I can’t check in. “what rubbish, you mean I booked a ticket weeks ago and this is the crap you are telling me”

“Madame, we will fix you in for the next flight later in the evening and you can purchase business class if you must go with this. It is beyond our control” I was angry and amazed at how she could be so rude yet smiling innocently like she has said nothing wrong. Thought about how she addressed me “Madame”...Is it so obvious now that I am past my prime. I shook my head in disdain.

There was no use struggling for attention there, I was not the only one affected. After selling our tickets to the highest bidder we were treated like flies feasting on a meal. I was preparing to walk away, maybe its God telling me to abort this flight.

 Then, someone walked to me. Apologized for the mix up asked for my e ticket and came back with a business class ticket for me. No words said, just accompanied with a card. It had a man’s name.

I contemplated, stood still and said “what the heck, what would be would be” I could care less what the business card was for. It could be the new marketing strategy for selling a company without a name, just registered number.

 On my way boarding the flight I couldn’t help but notice that we were not up to ten. I tried looking behind me and my heart raced. I felt I was being monitored followed but I couldn’t turn back now. It is a big business meeting I am going for.

 I walked in, took my seat, though my heart kept telling me there is more to it. But a free business class ticket, maybe I am not as old as the protocol officer portrayed me to be.