Recurrence

Tears streaming down my eyes, I struggle for all moral justification to put myself in the right. But I should have known better, I was just his feel good factor, adrenaline rush to check if he still had his game on. How do I feel after everything emptier than I was before I met him? It was short, so short.

Once bitten twice shy they say but I was just being stupid. Now I’m coming hard on myself as usual after all the damage has been done.

I met Martins, still smarting from a breakup, like me he was not seeing anyone but still had a girlfriend technically. How? Let me explain, they lost the spark between them though no one said the word "it’s over" they knew it was, or so sure was he and he told me. He got a new job and I got a run for my money as she returned in full force. We were just two months old. Nostalgic feelings took over and he became withdrawn from me, call traffic from him to my phone dropped sharply as more excuses were made.

I knew I was at the beginning of the end already, I can't be the other woman and I have never thought of myself in that position. I tried it for two days and I gave it up, kept hearing "my girlfriend" but it used to be me. It’s clear he still loves her or what is the comparison of two years with two months. He says he is confused but I have made my decision. I have also communicated it to him.

Do I love him?

Yes                                        

Am I going to let go?

Yes

Am I hurt?

Yes

Has this happened before?

Yes

Did I learn my mistake?

No

Hope I have learnt now?

I hope so.

Tears falling willingly and no am not hushing myself. It’s time to let it out ,sleep and wake to a new season.